The $6,000 Lawn Ornament

By Eric Jacobson

 

It all happened quite suddenly. There I was, riding along my favorite twisties admiring the beautiful fall colors when I realized something: there was a whole lot more than just a nip in the air - it was downright freezing. Yes, winter's upon us and that brings it with the inevitable frustration of not being able to ride our wonderful toys.

I think of myself as fairly lucky - living in a Southern climate, I get a great deal of ride time throughout the year. Despite what all the North Carolina natives may say, we don't really get a "real" winter here. Of course, I was born in Canada, spent a great deal of my childhood in the lake effects of Michigan and completed a stint of graduate work in Syracuse, New York. Let me tell you - you don't know what wind is until you've felt it coming at you off of good ol' Lake Superior.

At any rate despite all the good ride time I do get down here, there is a month where motorcycling is a virtual impossibility (we call it February, the North Carolinians refer to it as "the time we all stock up on bread and milk at the slightest hint of white, fluffies falling from the sky"). It's at this point of the year when I look at the blanketed heap out on my driveway and ponder this strange behavior of people like myself who own thousands of dollars worth of a lawn ornament.

The other day, I rode up to hang out with some friends of mine and eat dinner. I wore my typical winter fashions - long underwear, jeans, the lining in my jacket, and my 3M leather gloves that I'm fairly certain are the same standard-issue equipment the Russian military now gives to those stationed in Siberia (in case it isn't clear, I love my gloves). At any rate, on the ride up, it was in the mid-50s and I was plenty comfortable, even warm at times.

This is how the mountains can catch you off-guard. They screw with the weather to the point where I have, and I'm not kidding, seen local weathermen throw their hands up and say "Ah, I give up!" in mid-broadcast. This does not bode well. This night was exactly one of those nights.

I spent most of the evening at my friends' when I heard the noise all those who own two-wheeled vehicles dread the most - the gentle pitter-patter of rain. I logged on to the Weather Channel's website (who doesn't sponsor my column but should seeing the amount of publicity I give them) to see what was going on. 38 degrees. A chill ran down my spine, quite literally. My friends had a full house that night so I had to brave the cold to make it home... a good 30-mile trek from where I was.

I suited up and jumped on my blue 2001 SVS. There are few things in this world that are quite as uncomfortable as sliding on to a wet motorcycle seat. Except, maybe, sliding on to a very, very cold wet motorcycle seat. It was bad enough that I knew that cold wind would be buffetting me all the way home, I didn't need to start off with dampness in all the wrong places.

For anyone who's read my previous stuff, I must sound like quite the idiot seeing as how I'm always getting myself into these strange riding situations. Of course, anyone who's ridden for awhile knows that it's simply bound to happen and there is little that any of us can do about it except grin and bear it. So grin I did.

Let me tell you - riding in wet weather is tricky. Riding in icy-cold wet weather is treacherous. About halfway home, the cold started to permeate through to my hands. I've come to the conclusion that though spraining your ankle can be one of the most horrible things an automobile driver can endure to impede one's driving abilities, having anything happen to your hands is pretty much the Achilles' Heel to a motorcycle rider. And, man, was I feeling it. Pretty much unable to bend my fingers at all to properly manipulate the throttle, brake, and turn signals, I felt more like I had a pair of Klondike bars attached to my wrists. Tasty, but pretty useless to grab on to anything.

I like to think of myself as a veteran wet-weather rider now. I've been caught in the rain quite a few times, so I'm feeling more confident out there when the drops are falling on my helmet. Yes, indeed, I am confident of this one fact - riding in the rain is one of the most dangerous, completely unpredictable, and totally idiotic things for me to do. And this time, the weather was on the verge of being solid precipitation, not just wet precipitation. And, to make matters oh, so worse, I decided that I would take the quick way home: a ten minute jaunt over a small local mountain covered in wet leaves and full of twisties.

This road is one of the most fun riding experiences that I've had. I know it like the back of my hand. During the day. When it's not raining. Or covered with leaves. So, here it is, 11 at night and I'm wanting nothing more than to be in my nice warm bed under the covers and snoozing, and I'm crawling my motorcycle up the side of a mountain at about five miles an hour to avoid laying it down. I swear, I turned my SVS into a gas-powered bicycle that night. I didn't know our bikes could go so slow!

By the time I got to my house, I didn't have the energy for it anymore. In addition, I didn't feel like pushing my luck, either. Usually, I park my bike facing outward so the next time I want to ride, I just hop on and go. Tonight, I felt as though the powers that be (who have incredible senses of humor, I've gotta say) would've taken the opportunity to play an incredible twist of fate on me - "We'll let him get the bike home without laying it down, but let's make him drop it in his driveway once he gets there - ha ha ha." So, as I write this, my bike's out in the driveway facing inward. It's safe, covered, and still virginal from the shiny parts ever touching the pavement. Whew.

But that still brings me to the topic of what to do when the full winter months finally fall upon me. My approach? I've subscribed to a number of motorcycle magazines and bought a book - Twist of the Wrist vol. 2 by Keith Code. I highly recommend it. This way, even though I can't ride my bike, I can at least read about new ones and learn how to ride the one I have so much better than I currently do. Until next time, keep warm, keep the shiny stuff up, and remember to check your local weather forecast before traveling miles and miles from home in a cold winter night.

 

About the author: Eric Jacobson owns a computer servicing and small-to-medium business server sales company in Asheville, North Carolina called Computer Mechanix, Inc. He can be reached at irx@computermechanix.com or through the website http://www.computermechanix.com.